The Shortero

As with any long-standing company, we are constantly working to stay on the cutting edge of our industry. Most of the time that manifests as a new saber hilt, but after a lengthy period of deep reflection, we realized that we had the pieces for the next generation of lightsabers all along.

This new configuration finally answers a question we have been asking for years: does more saber equal better saber? To find out, we initially playtested 72" blades at the expense of our ceiling, but when our intern's arms proved too short, we hired baboons and learned some valuable lessons. We are not legally obligated to explain ourselves further.

So we pivoted. After working long hours under the cover of darkness, our collective psychosis manifested into a singular, average-sized vision. It dawned on us that we had been so caught up in the big picture, lost to the length, wandering in the width, that we realized the answer was not more saber. The answer was less saber. And also a knife.

The 5” lightsaber blade, which we are classifying as “intimately proportioned”, represents a radical rethinking of reach, range, and the concept of personal space in general. And for those moments when even that feels like too much, we have equipped this saber with a bayonet — because if you are already close enough to use it, you might as well be committed.

This represents the definitive future of our saber catalog. It is the configuration against which all future Sabertrio sabers will be measured, and almost certainly found too long.

We are proud to introduce the saber that made us question everything, retire several safety protocols, and formally apologize to one baboon. It is the spiritual successor to the Shorto saber system – the “Shortero”.

From all of us here at Sabertrio, happy April Fools!